I have been reading a book about parenting and one of the chapters talked about love languages. I've heard this concept before but I haven't ever read in detail about it and it's really interesting. The idea is that there are five ways of expressing love and to each person one or two of the expressions will mean more to them than others. Although all five love languages are nice, each individual responds differently according to our own character. The book was challenging us as parents to figure out what love languages our children (more easily defined after age 7) and spouses respond to most so that we can express love to them in a way that means the most to them.
These are the five love languages:
Encouraging Words
Acts of Service
Gift Giving
Quality Time
Physical Touch & Closeness
Personally I respond most to Quality Time and Acts of Service. The others are nice but these mean the most to me. I've been thinking about Chikara and what he responds to most. I think that his are Encouraging Words and Gift Giving (mostly food) but I'm not really sure. Seems like I'll have to have a conversation with him sometime!!
My girls are not quite old enough to be able to be defined but I'm glad I read this early in their development so I can keep my eyes open for clues. I'm sure all of us want to our children to know that we love them but it seems like we won't know if we've been successful until they're 20 when they'll either love us or hate us and it's too late to go back and do it again.
I hope this is food for thought. If you're feeling brave go ahead and comment on what love languages speak the most to you!
6 comments:
Hey Sarah, there's actually a book called the 5 love languages it's by a man with the last name chapman, i can't remember his first name. I started reading it but i get distracted very easily so i didnt finish it. I think i respond to 3 of them best 1.acts of service 2.quality time and 3.Physical touch and closeness. It depends on if i know the person or not but you can always tell when someone is really into your conversation because they'll touch your shoulder or your arm or something and it makes me know that they are comfortable with me. Of course there's nothing worse than someone your not comfortable with that keeps thouching your arm, that drives me nuts!
Oh yeah it's kim! I forgot to mention that part
Sarah,
Can I ask after the name of the author and the title of the book? I am a Parenting book addict! LOL. I actually realized the other day that I could line up my parenting books and have them debate each other! Sounds fascinating though. I think I am a demanding kind of gal. . . as I respond to 1. encouraging words, 2.Physical touch and closeness (we're talking from our loved ones though, not casual pals!) 3.quality time. And I like "acts of service" but have to admit I just take them for granted far too often!
I'm a parenting book addict, too. The book I'm reading is Growing Kids God Way by Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo. As my cousin pointed out there is a book called Five Love Languages and Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman which I've heard is really good also. You can buy them through Amazon
We heard about the love language idea at a marriage retreat with Larry and Lynda Asplund. What a hoot to hear Larry describe how he responds to his favorite love language!
I'm not sure what my favorite love language - whenever I read the list they all sound good to me. I love wonderful gifts, but if someone gives me an amazing gift but doesn't want to spend time visiting with me, my reaction to the gift is 'cool, thanks for the thing' but it doesn't speak love. I do love affection, although I don't crave it like some members of our family (you know who you are), but I think physical touch can break through my private protection space - Canadians are famous for needing lots of space. It must be the result of having only 33 million people in the 2nd largest country in the world - most of it frozen, if you get my heavy drift (there's a pun in there somewhere.....)
love Mom
Ohhh, I love this, and you're right, it's totally food for thought!
Okay since you asked, I guess I will be brave enough to answer too. I prefer the quality time and acts of service, same as you. I enjoy spending time with my kids and hubby most. And when my child brings home a drawing or some artwork from school, I totally cherish his hard work! Or if my husband cooks me dinner once in a while, since I mostly do all the cooking, it's greatly appreciated. So yup, the quality time and the acts of service are big with me too. : )
And yes an occasional kind word helps as well, ha ha ha! Wink, wink! : )
Thanks Sarah for posting this. As my 2 little ones grow, I will keep an eye on them and see which ones they respond to most as well! : )
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