ack!

I had to get Sakura new inside shoes (uwagutsu) for when she went back to school on Tuesday and over the summer (only six weeks) she grew from a size 17cm to a size 18.5cm! That's three whole sizes. And Misaki's only in a size 19cm

Yikes

Also, her mizuibo (some kind of wart) suddenly cleared up last week so her teacher let her go in the pool for the last day.

She's becoming such a big girl except that...

She wouldn't dance at the festival at her preschool. She totally freaked out and we ended up going home and putting her right to bed. I did talk with her about what it means to be a "big girl" and that in order to get the fun of being a big girl (going outside, allowance, etc.) that you need to take responsibility and sometimes do stuff you don't want to do (say hello to neighborhood people, DANCE AT THE FESTIVAL). We'll see if she understood.

5 can be a trying age.

just a little embarrassing

I wrote two weeks ago about a busy day that we had running errands. The third errand on that day was to go to a friend's house and try to get Natsuki infected with chicken pox. Knowing that two weeks of incubation had passed I was on the lookout for poxes. On Saturday night it seemed like Natsuki had a few pox-y looking type marks on her face and Sunday morning when she woke up they were still there and she had a low-grade fever so I decided to be safe and keep her home from church. Usually when we need to split up the kids I'll take Natsuki & Sakura and Chikara will take Emi & Misaki (or vice versa) but there was no reason for Sakura to stay home so Chikara decided to take all three pox-free children to church. He was a little nervous since he had a meeting in the afternoon but the girls behaved very well for him.

Natsuki and I had a lovely, quiet time at home. I just sat on the couch and she ran around and made me "food" and we did puzzles and generally had nice time. I kept checking her body for more signs of chicken pox but by the time I put her down for her nap, nothing more had materialized. She had a fabulous 3-hour nap (and so did I) and right after we woke up Chikara called to say they were on their way back home. Natsuki had no new poxes so we decided to risk going out for dinner because we needed to take some much-needed Tylenol to a friend's house.

Then on Monday there were still no more poxes.

Tuesday. No poxes.

Hmmmm . . . maybe she doesn't have chicken pox after all. The timing of whatever was on her face and her fever was amazingly coincidental, though. I'm going to be a little embarrassed when I go church on Sunday and have to tell this story a million times over and over again. Sigh.

Well, on the bright side, I don't have to deal with an itchy, cranky baby for the next week and I don't have to worry about leftover scars preventing us from getting on the plane and going to Canada.

Only two more weeks! Yeah!

children of two races

I read this article today on MSN and found it thought-provoking as a mom of biracial children. I maybe have been a little naive in my thinking that my children would be able to embrace both of their cultures on an equal level but maybe now is the time to think about how to make that possible for them. Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue?

a breakthrough?

I wrote before about Misaki's lying and it seems that we've had a breakthrough. Definitely not an ending but at least a breakthrough. I'm not sure if I handled it right but anyways...

Last weekend the girls were playing outside and Misaki came in with something in her hands that she was all excited about. When she showed me what she had it was a dangomushi (pillbug?). Now I'm not scared of those little bugs but I definitely don't want them in the house so I told Misaki to take it straight outside and that I didn't want her to bring anymore bugs into the house. As she walked out the door she said, "Oh, it's tickling my hands. You cute little dangomushi". Yes, she loves living things.

Today was a day off from school and Emi and Misaki played outside for most of the afternoon while Chikara and I did stuff around the house. By early evening most of their friends had gone home so the girls came inside. We decided to go out for dinner instead of making something. All the girls went downstairs with Chikara to get their shoes on and I gathered my bag and stuff (there's always stuff) and followed them. When I got downstairs, right away I saw some little black somethings on the ground. I went closer and realized that they were dangomushi. Five of them! Emi and Sakura were still getting their shoes on but Misaki was already in the car. I called her back and asked her straight out, "Misaki did you bring these dangomushi into the house?". I really expected her to lie since this has been the typical pattern for her. Her face screwed up into a cry and I asked her one more time and...



*deep breath*



...she said "Yes". Yes! They were magical words. Then she showed me where she had hidden the rest. Gross. At this point I wasn't sure what to do exactly. She disobeyed by bringing dangomushi into the house even though I had just told her a few days before that she was not allowed to. And she had hidden the bugs and I had just managed to find a few escapees. I knew that I should discipline her for that disobedience but I also felt like she had chosen to tell the truth which is a bigger problem that we had been working on. Gosh, parenting is hard!

In the end I didn't discipline her for the disobedience (I feel that coming back to bite me in the butt). I did tell her sternly that she had disobeyed and I wasn't happy about that and I made her take all the dangomushi back outside. But I did praise her for telling the truth and not lying. She wasn't sure if she should cry or smile. I wasn't sure if I should cry or smile, either!

While we were at dinner, she asked me why I had said that I was proud of her for not lying and I told her again that telling the truth was the right thing for her to do. I did reiterate that she had still disobeyed by bringing the bugs in but didn't she feel good when she told the truth? She said yes.

I hope this means we're turning a corner with the lying. I can't imagine that it's over and she'll never lie again but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. Woo-hoo!

saying no did the trick

When we first moved to Japan Emi was 8 months old and I was 3 months pregnant with Misaki. We had decided that it would be best to live with Chikara's parents for the first few months until we could get settled. That turned out to be a good decision for more reasons than one. Yes, it helped us save money but it also gave my in-laws a close look at how we raise our children and kind of cleared the air on a number of issues. One of those issues was how we expected our children to behave in restaurants.

I can vividly remember a time when Emi was around 11 months and we went out for dinner at a nabe restaurant. You know, the restaurant with a gas burner in the middle of the table for the pot to rest on. Sigh... it sounded so yummy but I forgot that it takes awhile for the meal to be ready to eat and once it was ready Emi ate quickly and then she was bored waiting for the rest of us to eat. She was sitting in her car seat but soon she had turned to screaming and squirming and I couldn't calm her down. My MIL offered to take her for a walk around the restaurant. I wanted to say no because really I wanted to train our kids to sit through meals but I was tired so I said OK. The two of them walked right to the front of the restaurant to the little toy stand that all restaurants have. Within five minutes my MIL was back for her purse and she bought Emi a little plastic toy. Emi played with that toy for all of 1 minute before she got fussy again. Fortunately by this time we were almost done with dinner so I just held Emi and sang to her until it was time to go. On the way home I remember thinking that dinner hadn't gone too badly.

A few weeks later we went out for dinner again with my in-laws and sure enough halfway through the meal Emi was done and bored but this time she turned immediately to my MIL. She expected to be taken for a walk. Right then I had a moment of clarity. If I let Emi go then she will never learn to sit down through a meal and then the next baby (in my tummy) will not sit through a meal and the next baby that we plan to have shortly after her will never do it either. I will never want to go out for dinner because it's going to be a huge pain which means I'll always have to cook dinner. It was so clear to me it was almost like I was *in* that awful moment. So I said no to my MIL (which did not go over well) and started rummaging through my bag for something to entertain Emi. It was a lot of work on my part that evening but she did sit through the rest of the meal in a relatively calm manner although I sang "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" about a million times.

Now, I am not so far removed from reality to know that it is a lot to expect a one-year-old to sit through a 30-40 minute dinner. But I also know that I've got to start somewhere. After that dinner, I went back to the parenting books I own and called my sister-in-law and my mother to try and get some advice regarding how to go about this. After about a week I had a plan but I didn't get to use it until a few months later after Misaki was born. Chikara's parents took us out for dinner at a new restaurant we hadn't been to before. Misaki was only a couple of months old and slept through the meal but Emi was almost a year and a half and started getting bored about halfway through. I saw my MIL moving to get her so I politely said that it wasn't necessary and whisked Emi to the bathroom. I quietly told Emi that it was time to eat and that I wanted her to sit down and be happy. She said "Yes, Mommy" and we went back and sat down. I handed her a piece of bread and a toy and she sat happily and ate the bread and played with the toy. About five minutes later my in-laws asked Chikara what I had done. Had I spanked her? They weren't appalled but they were shocked by the change in her behavior in such a short time (we were only gone for a minute). So I told them what I done and everyone seemed in shock. In fact, we were all silent and happy for the rest of the meal.

Yes, there have been times where my kids have had a meltdown in a restaurant or just wouldn't cooperate. You know those days where dinner out comes at the end of a long outing or they're teething or are beginning to get sick. We've had those days, too, but in general our children know that we expect them to sit and behave and if they don't then they will have to go with me to the bathroom for a talking to. Actually I'm surprised myself that this works. I think I've only had to give a spanking once or twice at a restaurant but that was to a 3-year-old who was just outright disobeying. Mostly a little talk takes care of it. Of course we follow this up by expecting the same behavior at home and that they follow other rules as well. I think that removing them from the situation and receiving clarification from me about what is expected is what does the trick.

Flash forward six years and we still use the same procedure. On Monday night we went out to ramen for dinner. It's a restuarant we go to often so the girls know what to expect but Natsuki is the one who now needs the constant reminding. After we sat down, our waitress brought us our water and Chikara ordered our food. This restaurant just got new plastic cups with handles for the kids so Natsuki can drink by herself except that she was having a hard time so when I reached over to turn her cup around for her she flipped out because she didn't want me to touch the cup. I handed it back to her but she had already decided she was going to be mad. There were only 3 other people in the restaurant (we were having an early dinner) so I decided this was as good a time as any to let her realize that crying doesn't get her what she wants. Once she realized I wasn't going to do anything she quickly turned from crying to angry screaming so I picked her up and off we went to the bathroom. I've done this with her a few times before so it was cute to see her cry on my shoulder for 15 seconds and then look at my face to await her instructions. Seriously, she knew I was going to tell her something. I said that screaming is "no-no" and that now was time to eat and be happy (words she knows). She repeated "eat" and "happy" and then "OK" and I hugged her and then we went out. She sat right in her seat (the kind that attaches to the table) and she was all happy. I handed her back her cup and she was all smiles. As I turned to go sit down I noticed that Emi, who was sitting beside Natsuki, was straddling the bench instead of sitting up to the table so I told her to turn around. What does she do? She swings her leg over and smashes Natsuki's hand into the table. Why me? Of course Natsuki burst into tears again and Emi got all defensive ("What? You told me to do it"). Just as I was trying to decide what to do the food came. Yeah! Emi said sorry and Natsuki went back to saying "eat, eat, eat" and soon we were back on track.

We enjoyed a lovely meal together and I thought to myself that this is why I said no to my MIL six year ago. You know, so that I don't have to cook all the time!

*** I should also mention that we also try to make dinnertime with our kids a lot of fun. We really encourage sharing about what they did or what they've been thinking about lately. It's a good time for all of us to focus on each other and for the girls to listen to each other. I realized as I re-read my post that someone might get the idea that the kids sit silently around the table while we watch them waiting for a hint of bad behavior. Totally not the case.

she speaks

Ever since Emi and Misaki went back to school, one of my main goals has been to work with Natsuki on her speaking skills. It's not that I'm worried or concerned about her but I noticed that she doesn't get the one-on-one time with me that the other girls did so she doesn't have a lot of words in her vocabulary. The words she does have, she says clearly and everyone can tell what they are. She also uses them at the right time and so far we always know what she's trying to tell us but I knew that if we were ever going to get past "more" and "all done" then I was going to have to try a little harder.

At first she would just laugh at me when I would repeat words over and over that I wanted her to try saying but eventually I noticed that she was trying to say them and then she could say them clearly. One day last week we were playing hide-and-seek with Sakura and I was calling out Sakura's name in a sing-song fashion while Natsuki and I searched for her. I would call out "Sa-kura" and we would hear giggling from whever Sakura was but one time I called out "Sa-kura" and all of a sudden Natsuki said "Ta-kura" in a clear immitation of me. Sakura jumped out of her hiding place and ran over to us and the three of us sat in a circle and called out Sakura's name over and over while Natsuki mimiced us. It was awesome. Here's a little sample for your enjoyment.



Of course the other little voice you hear at the end is Sakura not wanting to miss out on the fun. It almost looks like Natsuki throws her voice when I asked her to say "Daddy". The other thing I'm enjoying about Natsuki's expanding vocabulary is how excited her sisters are for her. They rejoice over every new word and ask her to repeat it ad naseum.

For posterity, I decided to write a list of all the words she can say as of today, at 1 year and 9 months.

English
Daddy
Mommy
no
more
all done
juice
Emi
Sakura
bear
baby
eat
morning (not good morning, just "morning")
up
please
ear
eye
cheek
bye-bye

Japanese
chodai (please)
ohaiyo gozaimasu (good morning)
arigato (thank you)
kawaii (cute)
ne-ne (sleep)
papa (Daddy)
mimi (ear)
oishii (yummy)
hai (yes)
moikai (one more time)
dekita (I did it!)
yatta (yeah!)

It'll be interesting to see how much this list grows over the next few months when she turns 2!

pants on fire...

In general I really enjoy the challenges of parenting. There are times when I feel like giving up or giving in but usually my mommy instincts kick in and soon I'm back on track. That being said, sometimes I have no clue what to do about some of the behavior issues that pop up from time to time. Although I think our children are well-behaved, they do have their own personality quirks and/or stage-of-life issues. Emi is bossy, Misaki is forgetful, Sakura is searching for her place in the family and Natsuki is learning to obey. For the most part their bad behavior falls neatly into these categories so it's easy to see it coming and both Chikara and I know what to do about it, plus the kids know that their behavior is wrong since we've gone over it a lot. But occasionally bad behavior comes out of left field and not only did we not see it coming, we also have no idea what to do next.

Case in point is Misaki's behavior over the last few weeks. I had anticipated that "something" would happen because she was starting elementary school and there are a lot of new experiences and new emotions that go along with that. Emi was the same way last year. She suddenly got more bossy (even though I didn't think that was possible) but after the first couple months of school and a lot of time-outs, she calmed down, got into the groove of her new elementary school life and peace returned to our house. I wondered how Misaki would react to this new stage in her life. Up until now, most of her bad behavior includes teasing and not paying attention to us and the consequences thereof so I thought we would get more of that. Boy was I wrong!

One night after Emi and Misaki had moved into their new room and we were putting them to bed, we couldn't find the nightlight. They don't really need it but since they're not used to the layout of their room, I thought it would be a good idea to have one so they could see if they had to get up at night to use the bathroom. But here we were, four days after moving into the room and it's already gone. I asked both of them if they had seen it or played with it and when I asked Misaki, a weird look flashed across her face for a second and then she said she didn't know. All my mommy instincts said she was lying but she's not usually like that so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and we just left the curtains open a little bit. About an hour later, Emi came down to use the bathroom and when she went back upstairs all of sudden she was yelling for us so I went upstairs to see what had happened and Misaki is standing on the ladder for the bunkbeds holding the nightlight with a guilty look on her face. She was trying to put it back while Emi was out of the room. It was so out of character for her that I just put the nightlight in the socket and put them both in bed with a stern warning to Misaki to "cut it out". It was late and I really didn't want to get into it but it was really weird, even for Misaki.

A few days later school started and things were going smoothly. The second week of school, Misaki's jacket disappeared. This is not unusual since she often forgets her things. But by the third day of it being missing, I started to realize that it wasn't at school, maybe it was in the house or the car. I looked all around but I still couldn't find it. When I asked Misaki when she had seen it last, again the weird look went across her face. What?!? I stopped what I was doing and met her eyes and asked her again.

Me: Misaki, do you know where your jacket is?

Misaki: No.

Me: If I find out that you actually know where it is and you've been lying to me you will get a spanking because that kind of behavior is definately not OK. Do you understand?

Misaki: ...what if I find it right now?

Seriously, she said that. Suddenly it was clear to me that she was, in fact, lying. My sweet, sweet Misaki was lying (badly) to my face. What should I do? What should I do? Ahhhhhh! (deep breath, deep breath) So I told her I would just be mad and she stood up, walked into the living room, pretended to look around for a second and then pulled her jacket out from BEHIND THE TV! She had hidden it there because she didn't want to wear it to school. It's not that she didn't like the jacket but after one warm day the week before, she had decided that she didn't want to wear a jacket but the weather turned cool again so I wanted both her and her sister to wear their jackets to school and if it warmed up then they could just put it in their bags.

We had a little talk about how lying is wrong and she cried and apologized very nicely but it was all very bewildering for me since she hasn't ever really lied to me like this before. When Chikara came home from work, I told him the whole story and we talked about what we should do. Obviously, lying is totally unacceptable and even if it seems benign at this age, I would never want my children to get into a habit of lying that would be hard to break as they got older. Do you know adults that lie habitually? It's not pretty and we definitely don't want that for our children. One Scripture I constantly remind myself about is Proverbs 22:6,

"Train up a child in the way he should go
And when he is old he will not depart from it"

This is it, childhood, our big chance to teach our kids all the things they need to know. But how? How can we reach Misaki and let her know that lying in any form is wrong? Misaki usually learns by indefinable means. As in, I have no idea how she finally figured out how to use the toilet, or write letters or jump rope. We tried any way we could think of to describe what we wanted her to do, showed her, drew a picture for her, talked about it, etc. but all of a sudden one day she could just do it. I've talked before about the owie on her left forearm. One day, after two years of encouraging her to stop picking it, she just stopped. Out of the blue. I have no idea what finally clicked for her and most milestones in her life have been like that. So although I'm grateful that she finally figured out all of that stuff, I have no idea what process she uses to learn things so again I'm at a loss as to how to explain to her, meaningfully, what we want from her.

But on the other hand, maybe I'm overreacting. Two lies in the space of two weeks during an emotionally charge time in her life. Give the kid a break. Maybe this won't turn into a new habit but is just a result of everything else that is going on in her life. I turned to these nice thoughts in an effort to calm myself down.

After the coat incident, Chikara and I decided that maybe she needed a little sleep occasionally in the afternoons to regain her equilibrium. At that time she was still coming home at 11:30am and so between 2 and 3, I had her lay down for a little sleep. That evening when I took her upstairs to get her stuff ready for school the next day, she was blah-blahing as we were walking up the stairs. Yes, I was thinking but other stuff but as I tuned into what she was saying, our conversation went like this.

Misaki: Oh, sorry...

Me: What for?

Misaki: Actually, I don't know, I think it was Sakura.

Me: Sakura what?

Misaki: I don't know but there's black stuff on my bed. Maybe someone drew something.

Me: What?!? (not overreacting at all - yeah right!)

It turned out that during her naptime, she had taken her pencil and gotten the tip wet, drawn on her stuffed animals and then worried that we would find out so she hid the whole thing under her pillow and, the icing on the cake, hid the pencil under her futon. Unfortunately for her, I found the whole thing and she had that same weird look on her face. There we go. Three lies in a row, each worse than the other and each time she tried to cover it up and did not succeed. I guess I should be glad that she's a bad liar so at least this is all out in the open and we can deal with it. What did I do? Well, I had told her that if she lied again she would get a spanking so I gave her a spanking, held her afterwards while she cried, we prayed together, I told her I loved her and she apologized. But I knew that none of it had sunk in for her.

A few days later while she was playing in her room, she called Sakura and gave her something and then called her a minute later and gave her something else. Sakura was all excited and showed us two superballs. It was all OK until we realized that actually the superballs were Emi's superballs and Misaki was secretly giving them to Sakura. Now this time there was no lying but still very odd behavior for Misaki. So I had a talk with her and she had to apologize to Emi but again, I knew she didn't get it.

Then yesterday morning, while Chikara was getting ready to go to work, he calls upstairs and asks if I know where the toothpaste is. Now I admit that lately I've been absentminded but that one totally stumped me. I went downstairs to check it out and sure enough the toothpaste was gone but a similarly shaped tube of hand lotion was in it's place. Misaki. Why? When Misaki and Emi came home from school, I asked both of them together about the toothpaste and Emi's face was a total blank but the weird look flashed over Misaki's face. She was all, "Toothpaste, what toothpaste, I don't think I've ever seen Daddy's toothpaste, etc." while smiling the whole time. So we walk downstairs together and I show her the lotion and where the toothpaste should be and she's feigning innocence the whole time but I know that she's lying. But what I can't figure out is why on earth this would've happened in the first place. It's so totally and completely random. She wouldn't tell me so I spanked her and then in two seconds she "found" it. It was behind the washing machine. I was so in shock over the whole thing that I could hardly form a coherent sentence. She could produce no reason as to why she had taken the toothpaste, hidden it behind the washing machine and replaced it with lotion. And I totally believe her. I think there is absolutely no reasoning to it which is why it's going to be so hard to put a stop to it. I gave her another spanking, held her while she cried, prayed with her, told her I loved her and she apologized to me and later to Chikara after he came home from work. But again, I don't think we reached her. She actually tried to pretend that she couldn't remember what she was supposed to apologizing to Chikara about even though I had reminded her only a few seconds before.

So here I am today, bewildered. I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised. In preparation for the grade school years I've done a lot of reading and I knew that these are the years when children start lying, cheating, stealing and bullying. Maybe not all of them but all kids will try at least one and if parents don't step up right away then what started as an experiment could turn into a lifelong problem.

I also talked to my mom about it. My parents have been teachers since the year I was born and they've worked with all different grades and now my dad is the principal of a private school in Canada and one of his main areas of responsibility is to deal with behavior issues of his students. My mom said that lying in girls is a pride issue. They don't want to look bad so they create elaborate lies to cover up the teeniest thing. I can see how this relates to Misaki. She likes her image of being cute and sweet and she enjoys being well-liked by her friends and adults that she knows. None of the things she did were in themselves exceptionally bad but the lying to cover them up and her unwillingness to tell the truth even after we knew she was lying are the part that scare me. Another part of this that makes me sad is that I can't trust her. I could always trust my kids that they were trying to do the right thing. They might make mistakes from a lack of knowledge but never from willfull disobedience. It's not fun at all.

So why am I sharing this with all of you. Mostly just to share and get it off my chest. Some of you may be upset by my methods of dealing with it and that's OK. Maybe someone has some good advice for me, too. Maybe someone has been through the same thing and has come out the other side and can encourage me. Maybe no one will comment at all but at least it's not bottled up inside of me anymore.

I love my sweet Misaki and I know we'll get through this but right now, in the middle of it, I just have no idea what to do next.

feeling a little fried

It's been a big week for owies in our house. Last week at Misaki's sports day I got sunburnt. Please see evidence below.



Fortunately it was just on my arms, right below my neck and my face (not my shoulders or back) but it's been such a long time since I've had a sunburn that I didn't realize it was happening and then after I couldn't remember how to take care of it. We had two sports days in a row and the weather was cloudy for Emi's sports day and we were all fine. The weather was supposed to be the same for the next day but it totally cleared up and there were no clouds in the sky at all. Plus where our assigned area was, our faces were pointing in the direction of the sun when we were watching Misaki's events. But seriously, through all of this, I wasn't even thinking about the possibility of a sunburn. It's October, for goodness' sake! I hadn't put on any sunblock or anything. About an hour before the lunch break, Chikara was suddenly wondering if I was OK and asking if I wanted to go to the shade. I had no idea what he was talking about and I kept saying I was fine. During the lunch break, we sat under a tent the school had provided. When I took Sakura to the bathroom, I saw myself in the mirror and I was red as a lobster. Crap! I stayed covered for the rest of the events and then we went home. Later that evening, I realized that it wasn't as bad as I had initially thought but it looks awful so I get a lot of stares wherever we go. As if being a foreigner with four cute kids wasn't enough. I'm in the peeling phase, now, much to Emi's delight so I'm sure it'll be all gone soon.

This last Thursday Emi's class had a field trip to the zoo in Kobe. When she got home, her face was all scratched up and she had a big goose egg on her forehead. It turns out that when her class were running together down a hill (why?), a kid behind her bumped her and she fell and smacked her face up.



She was not really thrilled that I took this picture. I got a call from her teacher about and he said that she had smacked her top tooth, too, so we should keep an eye on it. Fortunately it's still a baby tooth so we lucked out there.

Then yesterday I got a call from Misaki's teacher. At first I thought I had missed the bus but it turns out that when Misaki was playing outside after lunch she got smacked in the face by another boy's head (ouch!). The other kid wasn't looking where he was going and ran full force into her. By the time she got home, the area under her right eye was still swollen and this morning it's started turning purple.



It's kind of hard to see so I might take another picture tomorrow. I'm actually kind of glad that she got smacked up, too, because now she and Emi can be injured together. I just hope that no one thinks that we did it to them!

I do have some good news. Natsuki took her first steps yesterday. Yeah! Actually she did a lot of one-stepping followed by dramatic falling but once she figured out what we were trying to do (finally!) she took four steps in a row a couple of times. I think the best part is that she was really excited about her accomplishment and kept trying to walk. Eventually she got too excited and was falling down all over the place. But on the whole it was a "step in the right direction". Ha, ha! I crack myself up. I'll try to get her on video when Chikara's home to help me. In the meantime, here is a picture of her concentrating on putting a straw in a cup.



This kept her quiet for 20 minutes.

Fortunately tonight is the TV premiere of High School Musical 2 so Emi & Misaki have something to lift their spirits. We're going to go to my friend's house and watch it with them since they have cable and we do not. I know that if we had cable, I would sit around and watch television All. Day. Long. I have no self-control in this area, especially when I'm homesick. But tonight will be fun. I'm going to bring popcorn and pop and I'll probably spend the whole night explaining teenage angst and what it makes teenagers do to the girls the whole time. Fun!

I hope all of you have a great weekend.

recent changes

I think I wrote awhile ago that we're potty training Sakura and I'm sad to say that it's not going as well as I had hoped. She just doesn't care if she pees in a diaper, training pants, underwear, on the couch or in the toilet. About half of it is my fault because during the summer vacation we were all over the place and I wasn't being consistent with her but the other half rests entirely on her stubborn little shoulders. She's all for going on the potty because she gets a candy and she is also able to sit on big toilets without her training seat if we're not home but sometimes she's just having too much fun at whatever she's doing so she just goes in her training pants. She'll even come and tell me afterwards like "Oops... can you change me?".

Since part of the problem was me I knew I could at least fix that. I thought about it all last week and on Saturday I switched her to panties. All day, every day, panties only. She knew there would always be a safety net so I needed to take that away. When I was potty-training Emi I realized that this is one of the first experiences in life where children have the power to make the decisions. I can take her to the potty as much as I want to but at some point the decision has to come from inside of her to take it to the next level and always use the potty of her own initiative. Basically discipline doesn't work in this area so I haven't been getting mad at Sakura if she doesn't use the potty, but bribery and praise both work really well so we've been doing a lot of that. I knew that she understood what was expected of her so I bumped her up to the next level (she loves her Dora panties) and crossed my fingers that it would work.

On Sunday she pee'd literally on the church ten minutes before I had planned to take her to the potty so I cleaned her (and the floor) up but I hadn't brought any diapers or other underwear on purpose to change her into because I didn't want her to think it's that easy. At first she didn't seem to mind but as soon as we got home she asked for more panties so I could see that it did bother her a little bit. On Monday she pee'd on the couch while Chikara was watching her so that was a good lesson for both of them! But other than that there haven't been any other problems. I was most concerned about nighttime but that's where she's done the best. She appears by our bedside in the morning when she has to pee and then she goes right back to bed. In general, I've been impressed but we'll see how the next few weeks go.

I've also made a change with Natsuki this week. One thing she has done that her older sisters never did was take an extra nap each night. Usually she wakes up at 8am, has a nap from 10am -12pm, another nap from 2pm-4pm and then a nap from 7pm-8pm after which I wake her up for a bottle and then she goes right back to sleep until the morning. Her sisters never did the 7pm nap but I think she's just overwhelmed by all the noise and commotion at that point and needs a break! I started noticing that sometimes she didn't really sleep and then a few times last week she was wide awake after that nap and didn't want to go back to sleep right away so I surmised that it was probably time to drop that nap.

So the new plan is to keep her up until 7:30pm, then give her a bottle, change her clothes and then put her to sleep whenever that is finished, around 7:45pm. I'll follow that schedule for a few weeks and then push the whole thing back to 8pm. We did this with her the last two nights and she did great. She wasn't overtired, she drank all of her formula, she was quiet when we put her down in her bed and she slept until the morning without waking up. Probably next month we'll be dropping her morning nap but so far she seems to need it and she still sleeps great in the afternoon so I'm counting my blessings and sticking with it!

Personally I am not liking having to wake up early in the morning again. 7:20am is too early for me but I am enjoying spending a little time alone with Emi each morning. Both of us aren't morning people so we move at the same speed which makes it a nice start to the day.

and life goes on...

You know when you plan and look forward to an event or trip and when it is finally over you're not sure what to do next? I had that feeling Tuesday morning. But all the things still to be done came back to my mind quickly. Like my first English class in the afternoon. Yes, in the midst of everything, I am going back to teaching English one afternoon a week. I took a break last year a week before my due date. I thought I was being so clever to keep myself busy right up to my due date but Natsuki came two weeks late so I was bored out of my mind waiting for my labor to start. I actually wanted to be in pain, which has to be a first for me.

Anyhoo! I did take Emi to school Tuesday morning. After she was dressed and ate breakfast, we checked her school bag to make sure all the right things were in there, including her SpongeBob SquarePants handkerchief. Her school supplies have turned into such a mishmash of characters. We left the house around 7:55am and walked around the corner to the next street over to meet all the other 54 kids from our neighborhood who go to the same elementary school. Yes, 54 kids and 10 of them are in first grade. On Monday, everyone met 10 minutes earlier and divided up the kids into groups to walk to school. Each group has a 5th or 6th grader as a leader (hancho) with 4-5 other younger children to watch out for. On Tuesday, I met Emi's hancho and she led our group as we walked to school together. A couple of the other first grade girl's grandmas came and they were unbelievably annoying. One grandma asked questions nonstop from the moment she got there. I could tell the older girls didn't know what to say after awhile. Then another grandma, whose granddaughter is in our group, called out instructions to everyone as we walked to school. "Keep to the left, keep to the left, we're crossing, crossing, crossing, stop, stop, the light is green, hurry, hurry, RUN, RUN, STOP, STOP!". Like that, on and on. Emi kept looking at me with wide eyes. When we got to school, Emi changed into her inside shoes (uwagutsu) and another little girl was waiting for her and they walked to their class together.

I'm getting ahead of myself in order of events for this post, but today (which is the last day I go with her) when we arrived at the school and she had put her inside shoes on, she suddenly turned and started to cry. I was totally caught off guard by this. Emi's been wanting to go to elementary school since last year and before school started she was counting down the days. We've been getting reports from her about all the fun she's been having from the first two days so I just didn't see this coming. I tried giving her a hug and asking her why she's crying. I tried encouraging her about school and how much fun she will have today. I tried being a little bit stern with her but nothing seemed to calm her down. She was clinging to me and doing her quiet cry. One of her friends was waiting for her and seemed pretty concerned. Finally, a teacher came by and said I could go. I have no idea what happened after that and althought I was worried, I knew leaving was the best thing to do.

When it was time to pick her up, I waited to ask her teacher about how she was during the day. He said he hadn't seen her crying and that she was fine during all the classes. Then he said that maybe I should talk to her if I wanted to know more about it. I got the feeling that he thought I was babying her and I should *know* that we don't do that in elementary school. So I learned an important lesson there. I did talk to Emi about it when we got home and she seems like she understands that I can't go to school with her and that because she's a big girl she gets to go to elementary school so she needs to take responsibility like the big girl she is. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. Sigh, there's always something, isn't there!?

Back to my English class, I was tired before I went and I wasn't really sure how it was going to go. Some students are new and some I've taught before. Also, I hadn't really had a chance to get out my materials so I planned to review and see what everyone remembered. I was a little nervous before I started but everything went really well. I forgot how much teaching energizes me. This year the class balance is very good. There are 8 kids in the beginner class, 4 kids in the second level class who I taught before so they're all at the same level, and 2 in the third level class. At the end of the class all the moms gave me a some presents for my girls which was really nice.

Chikara watched all the kids while I was gone and will continue to do so every Tuesday afternoon. I wrote out a schedule for each of our kids with detailed instructions for him. He is very good with helping out all the time but left by himself with the girls, he tends to forget what's coming next and then the whole evening gets off track. I once left Emi & Misaki with him for ten days while Sakura and I went back to Canada to do some shopping when I was almost 7 months pregnant with Natsuki. All three of them were alive and well when I came back so obviously he can handle a few hours each week.

Another thing I like about teaching English is being able to take a break from being "Mommy" for a bit. I really appreciate the girls more when I get back. Also it gives me a chance to be "Sarah" and regain a little bit of personal identity. I don't know about you, but I find that my identity as a woman is always connected to someone else. Like Chikara's wife or Emi' mommy or Alynne's daughter. I like all these people so it's okay, but sometimes I forget who I am personally so it's nice to have this opportunity every week to be me, apart from everyone else.

Tomorrow I *need* to tackle the house. It has gotten totally out of control and we're almost out of clean clothes. The weather is supposed to be good tomorrow and then it might rain for a couple of days so tomorrow is do or die!

what can I say...

Well, we survived the weekend. I can honestly say that as a family we've never been this busy before.

After all the pressure I felt when buying Emi's school supplies last week, part of me (albeit a small part) didn't really want to go to the Nyugakushiki or even send Emi to elementary school at all. Like if I didn't go, then it wouldn't happen. There has been so much talk on the news of bullying at school (ijime) and everyone knows that there is so much pressure on kids in Japan to perform well in school. I really want the best for my kids and because I wasn't raised here I really have no idea what that would be.

Also, sending Emi to elementary school means that I will be stretched a little bit more with my organization and my Japanese and I feel like I've had enough of that. But time marches on and my experience in the past is that it's just better to accept what's coming and find a way to make things smooth and fun for my family (and me!).

Now that I have prefaced this post with all of my concerns, I can say that all (well, maybe most) of my concerns were swept away at the Nyugakushiki. Everything was perfect, even the weather. The sakura trees were in full bloom, we all had the proper attire, we were ready on time (a small miracle) and Emi was really excited. Chikara had worked all morning and when were ready to go, he still needed to get ready, but that worked out perfectly because Natsuki was able to take a little nap and then Chikara brought her when he was ready. Even with only 45 min. of sleep, instead of the usual 2 hrs, she is a much happier baby.

When we got to the school, we received the class list and I was relieved to see that my neighbor's son is in the same class as Emi. She was very helpful with preschool stuff and I had prayed that they would be in the same class. Then as we were taking off our shoes to go in, a lady spied us and said "Yokatta" (Yeah!). I wasn't sure what she was talking about but it turns out that her daughter (who went to the same preschool) had been hoping all Spring Break that she would be in the same class as Emi and the mom was relieved that it had worked out. Even after these first five minutes, I was already encouraged.

We went in and checked her name off and a 6th grader took Emi off to her class and we (me, my MIL, Sakura and Misaki) went into the gymnasium. We were one of the first and we found a seat near where Emi would be seated. The lady who spoken to me when we first came in was beside us and we chatted for a little bit. The gym started to fill up and Chikara came with Natsuki and I started to wonder how Emi was doing and how long the ceremony would be. The chairs in the gym were set up in a square with a big open part in the middle. The 1st graders would sit facing the 6th graders and then perpendicular to that parents and teachers sat on both sides.

Then the ceremony started and the three 1st grade classes marched in 2 by 2 holding hands. They looked so small compared to all the 6th graders and adults. Since our name starts with I, in the Japanese alphabet it comes near the beginning, so Emi was sitting in the front row. Unfortunately, it was about this time my camera battery died. The principal and local community leader spoke for a bit and different 6th graders made certain announcements throughout. Then the 2nd graders came in and sang a few songs and did a little speech about all the fun the 1st graders would have throughout the year. Then they announced the teachers for each of the classes and when they announced the teacher for Emi's class, all the 6th graders whooped and yelled. At the time, we had no idea why. The ceremony went on for about an hour (not too long) and then as the 1st graders paraded out, the 6th graders played a song on recorders. It was all very sweet.

Each class went outside and took a class picture and then proceeded, with all the parents in tow, to their classroom. The teacher spoke to the kids for a bit. He introduced himself and used different things to help the kids remember his name. For example, part of his name is "bara" so he brought out a rose, which is "bara" in Japanese, so the kids would be able to remember by association. Chikara was totally impressed. I've mentioned before that he didn't really have a good elementary school experience but he was immediately taken with this teacher who was so nice to the kids. Last year this teacher taught 5th grade and it seems he was well liked since all the 6th graders screamed when his name was called. Then the teacher spoke to the parents for a bit. I don't really remember what he said, which shows how low my memory retention has become. But we were really encouraged after meeting the teacher and being able to see a little bit about what Emi would be experiencing this year.

The whole thing was over within 2 hours which has to be a record for any ceremony I've been to in Japan. We went outside and our very patient neighbors took pictures of us with their camera beside the sign that said "Congratulations" and the sakura trees. Emi really enjoyed herself and knew many of the kids that were in her class and both Chikara and I were reassured about the choices we have made for our kids.

Even though there were still things to do, we went out to lunch. When we got back, Chikara took his mom back home and went to work. As he was leaving, I was trying to change Natsuki's diaper so I could put her down for a nap. When I was in the middle of that, something happened with Sakura, and I turned away without putting Natsuki's new diaper on. When I turned back to her, she was peeing all over the couch and the older three girls were yelling about something. All the stress I had been feeling bubbled over and I yelled at the older three to be quiet. I finished Natsuki's diaper and put her down, took the soaked sofa cushion outside and told the girls to give me a few minutes. I hate it when I yell at the kids, even when it is necessary, especially after they were so well-behaved throughout the whole morning. Sigh...

Saturday, again, was spent keeping the kids on course, but Saturday night I pulled out the Easter candy I bought last month and put little chocolate eggs in little plastic eggs and then hid them around the living room. On Sunday morning, the girls searched for the eggs and I have to say that although they were excited about finding the eggs so they could eat the chocolate, they were a little lame at actually *searching* for the eggs. They would take turns meandering around and then looking at me and saying "I don't know were they are". Duh, of course you don't know, that's why you're supposed to search. Sigh. Maybe next year will be better. They were really excited about the chocolate so I let them eat two eggs worth of chocolate.

In the midst of the ensuing sugar rush, we got ready and went to church. Chikara and I, along with some other members of the music team, sang "How Great Is Our God" by Chris Tomlin, translated into Japanese by Chikara, as a special song and Chikara was leading worship so we had to be there early. Chikara was in a rush and on the way to church, I asked him, as a joke, if I could stop at the convenience store. He was not amused! The service was great and after lunch, the children's church workers had an Easter Egg Hunt for all the kids of the church and their friends. After they found eggs, they colored and decorated them. At one point, Emi put her fingers in the bowl of pink dye and her fingers were stained pink.

At around 5, we left church and called Chikara's parents since we were supposed to have dinner them for my MIL's birthday. I had realized at church that I hadn't bought new sneakers for the girls for school so we stopped at the mall to get some. During this time I started to feel sick. I asked Chikara if we could postpone mom's birthday but he didn't think it was a good idea. After we bought the shoes and proceeded to the restaurant, I started to feel more sick. I tried my best to enjoy the evening, but I could hardly eat. Natsuki was being difficult since she hadn't eaten very well all day. I used her as an excuse and went out to the car to nurse her.

We all went back to our house, even though it was a complete mess, to have cake and coffee. Yes, I gave the girls cake right before bed, even though it was late and Emi & Misaki had a big day the next morning. There was no other choice. At the earliest opportunity they were down to sleep and we spent a little more time talking with Chikara's parents. Once they left, I realized that I had a fever and I was not doing well. My husband spent the next few hours making sure all of the girls things were ready for the next day. He spent most of that time writing Emi's name on her school supplies.

One thing that I learned from this process is that at elementary school, the kids need to bring different things to school and back home each day. Perfect. One more thing to keep track of. Fortunately they write everything in hiragana which Emi can read so my goal will be to get her to a point where she can organize her things by herself without too much help from me. There is so much stuff that we'll have to prepare a place for her to keep the stuff she doesn't need to take. At preschool we have the same type of program, but each week is pretty much the same so once you get the hang of it, it's easy to remember. Seems like elementary school is not the same.

Now we're up to today when we'll see if all the preparation we've done is enough. We woke up just after seven to get Emi up and ready on time, but she was already awake, of course. She changed into the clothes she had picked out the night before and had breakfast. Chikara took her at 7:45 to the meeting spot for our neighborhood. All the kids and parents of the 1st graders walked to the school together. We have to take her to school and pick her up for the first three days and then after that she will go to school with all the neighborhood kids and then come home with any kids who are done with school when she is. I am thankful that our school is close. Some 1st graders take a train *by themselves* to go to school and come back home. I don't think I could handle that.

At 8, we woke up Misaki and Sakura. Misaki got ready for school. Her bus comes around 9 so she will have a nice relaxed morning all year, which will be good for her temperament. She's not a morning person! While Misaki was getting ready, Sakura kept saying "I'm going to elementary school". She was very disappointed when only Misaki and I went out the door. After coming back home, I was exhausted. Natsuki, who hadn't eaten very well on Sunday, woke up at 2:30am, so I woke up and nursed her, and then again at 6:30am, when I ignored her until 7:00. Also I was still not feeling well so I went back to sleep for awhile. Natsuki was already back in bed for her morning nap so Chikara only had to watch Sakura.

When Emi came home, she willing shared about her day. They learned aisatsu (greetings), which was mentioned at the Nyugakushiki at least 5 times along with signs everywhere saying "Let's Do Greetings Happily", where the bathrooms are and about where all their stuff goes. I was relieved to hear the girl beside her and the girl in front of her had the exact same pencils. She really enjoyed herself. Misaki also had a good day. She has a new teacher who's name is also Misaki, which she thought was cool.

I think the climax of the weekend for me was tonight. The older three girls were already in bed and I had sent Chikara off, too. I had just finished nursing Natsuki and changing her diaper to get her ready for bed. As I stood up to burp her, she started choking on some phlegm (she's had a cold) and suddenly she threw up all over me. I was silent for a moment and then I laughed out loud because it was so typical of the youngest child to have the last say. Chikara had to come down and hold her while I mopped everything up. I hope she sleeps well tonight!

Other than that debacle, it seems like all of our hard work has paid off. For me, it's been quite an emotional ride, which is probably why I've been sick sometimes. Fortunately, the girls have a very positive attitude towards school so their enthusiasm pushes us along. As a mom, it's hard to watch my kids grow up and move on without me. It's what we've been working towards but when it actually happens, it is an emotional time.

A new step has been taken by our family and it will be fun to see where it takes us. I know this was long, so thank you for reading to the end!

parenting book meme

I've been inspired by all the kids having temper tantrums in the supermarket to create my own meme (now that I know what it means!). I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is not a lot of positive support for parents, especially moms, in Japan. It makes me want to write a book, not because I'm an expert on parenting, but because I want something good and positive to be available.

So here goes...

If you were going to write a book on parenting, what five (or more) things would you make sure to include:

1. It is good for you and your spouse to be on the same page in regards to daily and future goals for your kids. This means lots of conversations. Both of you were raised differently and it's going to affect how you approach parenting your own kids. Instead of waiting for a conflict to arise that will force a conversation, talk about it now. Your children will find it easier to obey you if you present a united front. My friend's SIL's daughter (2nd grade) started lying about anything and everything and as this mom tried to get her to stop the dad suddenly started saying that he believed the girl, even though he knew she was lying, and it's been really difficult for the family. Whatever the reason for the dad saying he believes her, this family would be having an easier time if these parents were on the same page, whatever that page is.

2. You can never show your children enough love. Love means a lot of things to different people and it's important to find out what the one thing you can do that will mean the most to your child but it can also mean discipline (whichever method you use) to ensure that your child grows up to know the difference between right and wrong so they can be a functioning member of society. Love also means encouraging your child to be himself and accept his strengths and weaknesses. Love also means lots of hugs, smiles and fun. My parents modelled this for us growing up and I know that I really appreciate it now that I am faced with the daunting task of doing the same for my four girls.

3. Balance. I'm talking about balance in sleep, food, activities, time with mom and dad, pressure, fun, discipline, expectations and any other aspect of childhood. I come back to this word so many times as my husband and I try to strike the perfect balance with all the influences on our children. The balance for your family will probably be different from other families and that's fine. Don't try to keep up with the Jones'!

4. Have rules, make sure your children know them, and consistently help your children keep them. I know that as a product of Generation X we are not into rules but our children really need them. They need to know what is expected of them or the unknown will create an uncomfortable feeling of dread, for example, knowing that they may unexpectedly find themselves in trouble at any moment. Also, having to have kept and understood rules in the safety of a family environment will help them succeed when they go to school, start to drive and become a parent themselves.

5. Create family traditions. Again, this is kind of a knowing-what's-coming thing for your kids but it also gives them a sense of identity as part of your family. It can be as simple as singing a certain song before you eat dinner or as elaborate as themed vacations and holidays. These are the memories that your kids will hold with them throughout the years and give a foundation on which to build their lives.

I know there are many aspects to parenting and no parenting book can cover everything you need to know but if I was writing a book to encourage parents and give them practical tools this is where I would start.

I'm supposed to be writing a post about Emi's nyugakushiki and I'll get to that. I will say that it went really well and I am encouraged about what kind of experience Emi is going to have next year.

Those of you in the blogging community are very busy now with impending births, new pregnancies and preparing for another school year so I won't tag anyone but if you would like to add your thoughts or if you want to do the whole meme, please do so.

Natsuki Sofia

In December 2005 when I found out I was pregnant with Natsuki I was very surprised. Just the month before Chikara and I had been discussing a more permanent end to the baby train. We were very happy with our three girls and I was really looking forward to being able to get out of the house more. But, of course, I love babies so after getting over the initial shock it was easy to get excited. We had to re-think 2006 and tell many shocked people that although we had firmly said that we were not having any more kids we were in fact pregnant again and really happy about it. So many people said, "Sarah, I respect you so much for having so many kids" but it was hard to receive this compliment because we got pregnant for lack of planning and self-control not because of some lofty dream of having a large family.

But now we have Natsuki in our family and although being pregnant in the hot Japanese summer was not fun, the last seven months with Natsuki have been wonderful. She is the most outgoing baby I've had. Emi & Sakura ignored admirers and Misaki would just stare past them like they didn't exist. But Natsuki smiles and coos and giggles for anyone who stops and takes the time to talk to her.

She has taken to her schedule so well that she actually enjoys being put down to sleep. When I take her upstairs to her room she flaps her arms hysterically but once I lay her down she lays still and just smiles at me until I finish arranging the blankets. When she was 3 months old she started sucking her thumb (like Misaki) and although I know one day there will be a big fight to break her of this habit, right now it's really cute.

When people meet Natsuki for the first time they immediately try to figure out which one of her older sisters she looks like. When she was first born she was really like Emi to me but she's changed since then and she looks more like Misaki (except that Misaki had crazier hair, if you can believe it). Also she has thumbs just like my mom that naturally bend really far. I've been trying to get a picture of them but she moves too much. There will come a day when she won't appreciate being compared to everyone but for now it's fun to speculate who she will look like when she's older!

For the first time yesterday I let Natsuki try a french fry from McDonald's. For the last couple of weeks she has been watching all of us closely as we eat so I thought I would let her try "real" food as opposed to the baby food she's been eating for the last two months. She was so excited. Mostly she just mashed it with her gums until the soft potato in the middle came out. It was funny to watch her try to get it in her mouth. She's not that coordinated yet so she kept getting her thumb as opposed to the french fry. I'm always excited when they get to this point because it makes it easier to find food for them.

In comparing Emi (the first baby) to Natsuki (the fourth baby) I find Natsuki to be easier to take care of because she is easily entertained by her sisters. Another first among the girls is that Natsuki also prefers Chikara over me a lot of the time. When we're out and she gets tired if Chikara holds her she falls asleep every time but if I hold her she just gets fussier and fussier. She almost looks relieved when he comes to get her. You might think that I'd be jealous but it's a little bit of a relief that I don't have to be the only source of comfort and entertainment.

Another interesting thing about Natsuki being the fourth baby is that I don't get a lot of time to work with her on developing her skills. She loves to lay on her back and play with her feet. She can roll over but she rarely does. Because she loves being on her back if I put her down on her tummy she immediately rolls over onto her back but she rarely turns over from her back to her tummy. I realized recently that she's wanting to sit up more so I told Chikara that as much as we can we should take turns during each awake time to let her practice sitting up. We did it all last week and now she can sit by herself so I can clearly see that she's ready but she's just waiting for us to work with her. I really wonder if she'll learn to crawl since she doesn't like being on her tummy very much. I guess we'll see!

Also this month she started adding consonants to her repertoire of sounds. Sometimes when she's babbling she's actually louder than the girls. I can see this is a first step to finding her place in the family. I love to listen to her talking away especially in the morning before I go to get her up. It so precious and it's these moments that I'm really glad that God knew better and gave her to us to be a part of our family.

These are some of my favorite pictures of Natsuki.

look how far we've come

The book I quoted from in my last post was given to me by a Japanese friend of mine. When I mentioned that I liked parenting books she brought one other english book that she had. After reading the first chapter I was totally confused so I looked to see when the book was published. 1964! I had to check twice to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

With this new perspective in mind I read the whole book out of curiosity. I laughed to myself so many times that finally my husband asked me what I was reading. I read the first chapter to him and he actually checked the page to make sure I wasn't making it up.

The principles in the book aren't bad but they are presented as absolutes with no room for change. Also there is no explanation as to why you're supposed to keep to this rigid schedule. So I decided that for those of us who are SAHM's this might add a little levity to the day and the struggles we face in our parenting.

My First 300 Babies - Chapter 1

What a joyous occasion - Mother's arrival home with her precious bundle! Eager relatives and well-meaning friends excitedly await this homecoming, and they anticipate at least a peek at the hidden treasure so completely shrouded in afghans and blankets.
Now the time has come for the actualy unveiling of this new little member of the family. Father's peek through the hospital nursery window has been most unsatisfactory, so he especially appreciates a thorough, unhurried inspection of his new little one. Clicking cameras often play a part in this happy drama, for this event must have every means of preserving its memory for psterity. That's how important the advent of this new baby is!
After all this welcome home, our routine for the day starts, and it's time for the infant to continue the nap that has been interrupted by his homecoming. If he is asleep, he should not be disturbed, but if he is awake, his diaper could be changed before putting him down on his stomach in the bassinet or crib made ready for him. In the event the baby might be fussing after the ride home, a small feeding might be given before putting him down for this nap, but my experience has been, with few exceptions, that after the excitement of coming home and the distracting display of chatter and camers, these little ones are quite ready to be tucked into their baskets to continue their sleep until awakened at 2:30pm. I suggest that you take advantage of this peaceful interlude.
These instructions are based on the assumption that your baby has had a feeding prior to the usual hospital checkout time, and that his arrival home is around 11:30am. You may feel that it is too long a span from the 9:30am feeding to 2:30pm, but these little ones invariably seem to need the sleep more than the food on this particular day. Usually it works satisfactorily for all concerned to proceed on this day as I have suggested.
After the baby has been tucked into his basket, it is time to think of Mother and her need for relaxation. Her role has been an important one in this event, so her bed or a comfortable sofa should be her retreat. Not until 2:30pm does the baby have need for further attention.
Whether the baby is asleep or awake, 2:30 is the next regular eating time. If asleep, he should be awakened, his diaper changed, and a feeding given. No nursing or feeding should exceed 30 minutes. This is a most important rule to observe.
After this 2:30pm feeding, the baby is put down on a bed or any suitable safe place (but not in his basket), on his back (not his tummy), allowing him to spend this part of the afternoon as he prefers. He could be held or talked to if there is no fussing, for when unrest starts, holding and attention are not the answer.
My experience has been that the conduct of the baby after this 2:30pm feeding usually seems to follow one of two patterns: 1) he may be awake and willing to remain fairly quiet, looking around or fussing intermittently. If this is the case, not later than 4:00pm turn him on his tummy for a short nap, to be turned over and awakened not later than 4:30pm. 2) He may want to continue his nap on his back after this feeding, and that should be his privilege, but again he must be awakened by 4:30pm.
There is a possibility of a third mood in which perfectly normal babies indulge. After being fed and put down, within a matter of minutes fussing starts, or even a more vehement display. You can check for a bubble or a soiled diaper (that never really disturbs the baby-only parents), but after this inquity, allow our little friend to work out his problem in his own way, and try to be unmoved by his results. If this mood has persisted until 4:00pm (or slightly sooner) turn the baby on his stomach, and he may feel a short nap is his answer. Again, by 4:30pm he must be wakened regardless of how much fussing he has done previously or how short the nap might have been. Keep in mind that any of these three moods is normal and must be accepted, at least for the time being. Mother's undisturbed attitude will do much to better these stormy wake-times. (italics are from the book)

And this is my favorite part of the book.

After breakfast is over and the other children are in the playpen or in the room with the gate, or else out-of-doors or at school, and the baby is back in the bassinet for more sleep as his schedule indicates, as good time presents itself for making supper preparations. This could include preparing a molded salad and a dessert, browning meat to be used for Swiss steak or chops for the oven, or assembling a meat loaf or some casserole that is always improved by a few hours of refrigeration before baking. Also, a sink full of hot, soapy water is helpful to soak the dishes used in cooking and makes the cleaning up process simple. When supper time draws near and the demands are many, these early preparations are really a time-saver.

I don't know about you but now, in the 21st century, when my older kids are off to school and my baby is sleeping and my 2-year-old is playing quietly, this is when I make some time for ME!

love quiz

I have been reading a book about parenting and one of the chapters talked about love languages. I've heard this concept before but I haven't ever read in detail about it and it's really interesting. The idea is that there are five ways of expressing love and to each person one or two of the expressions will mean more to them than others. Although all five love languages are nice, each individual responds differently according to our own character. The book was challenging us as parents to figure out what love languages our children (more easily defined after age 7) and spouses respond to most so that we can express love to them in a way that means the most to them.

These are the five love languages:
Encouraging Words
Acts of Service
Gift Giving
Quality Time
Physical Touch & Closeness

Personally I respond most to Quality Time and Acts of Service. The others are nice but these mean the most to me. I've been thinking about Chikara and what he responds to most. I think that his are Encouraging Words and Gift Giving (mostly food) but I'm not really sure. Seems like I'll have to have a conversation with him sometime!!

My girls are not quite old enough to be able to be defined but I'm glad I read this early in their development so I can keep my eyes open for clues. I'm sure all of us want to our children to know that we love them but it seems like we won't know if we've been successful until they're 20 when they'll either love us or hate us and it's too late to go back and do it again.

I hope this is food for thought. If you're feeling brave go ahead and comment on what love languages speak the most to you!

sweetie-pie

I don't know what came over Misaki today...

At the bus stop when I picked them up from school, Misaki came off first and she stopped on the last step and looked at me and said "I love you" and blew me a kiss!

And halfway through dinner Misaki looked at me and said "Thanks for making spaghetti, it's really yummy".

I don't know where this came from but she was really sweet today and it is these kinds of moments that make all the hard work worthwhile!

Also, she has finally stopped picking the owie on her arm! In October 2005 she fell and got a little tiny scrape on her right forearm. She sucks her thumb and I didn't realize that she'd started picking it as she was going to sleep. I don't think she even realized she was doing it. Then she got chicken pox so I really didn't notice one little owie as compared to the rest all over her body. Then I found out I was pregnant and had morning sickness so I wasn't really paying attention to anything.

About April 2006 I realized that she had had this same owie in the same spot for 6 months. I put a bandaid on it and thought that would be the end of it but I totally underestimated how uncommitted she was to stopping!!! About June I started a campaign to help her remember to stop picking it. She got a sticker everyday that she left her bandaid alone and if she got a sticker 7 days in a row then she could go out for ice cream with just me. I took her out twice so I thought I was finally getting through to her. But then I got near the end of my pregnancy and again I wasn't paying enough attention. About September I realized that again she had picked this little owie apart.

At this point I decided to just leave the whole mess alone. I wondered if she was continuing to pick it because I was giving so much attention to the situation. But no, she just kept picking away. I know it's really not a big deal but I don't want her to be 14 years old and get mad at me because she has a scar on her arm. Plus this is one thing (not realizing that there are consequences to her actions) that I see in Misaki that I think I need to help her change before she gets older and into elementary school. She doesn't really think through stuff before she does it. I don't know how many times she's fallen off a chair because she's leaned too far over but turned around and done the exact same thing again a week later! It'd be funnier if it was someone else's kid!!

But somehow since she had her birthday last week she's realized that she's growing up so I guess she's decided to try harder. She is very proud everyday to show me that she hasn't touched her bandaid. I'm very proud of her, too.

I'm still trying to get the photoshow I made of her birthday onto this blog. There's some problem with the program so I'm trying to work it out. Trust me, it will be worth the wait!

milestones

Emi reach two big milestones this week and while I'm excited for her, it's freaking me out a little bit. I guess this is what your first child does to you.



Last Monday or Tuesday when Emi came home from school she told me that her tooth was loose. She's been saying this for months ever since she noticed some of her friends at school has lost their teeth so I didn't really respond right away. But she kept saying it so I thought I would try to wiggle her tooth and prove to her that it wasn't loose at all. Unfortunately, I was wrong (yes, it happens)! Her tooth really is loose. Now that I have confirmed that it is indeed loose she feels that she has license to complain about how much it hurts and show it off to everyone we know.



I've been telling her about the tooth fairy so she's all excited about getting money for her tooth but it occurred to me that I'm the tooth fairy and there is so much I don't know about what I'm supposed to do. What is the going rate for a tooth? What do I do with the tooth after I take it? What if she wakes up and sees me? These are the questions I have.



Also this week Emi learned how to ride her bicycle without the training wheels. Many of her friends have already been able to do this for awhile so I asked Chikara to take the training wheels off her bike and spend some time practicing with her. So on Tuesday after she came back from school, Chikara took her out and they practiced together for an hour or so. Emi loves a challenge so after that she's practiced every day. On Saturday she was outside for four or five hours. Her powers of concentration are amazing. On Sunday when we got back from church she showed us her progress and...



...she can ride her bike! Can you see the smile on her face? She's so excited that she's able to do this and so are we. Chikara is especially proud since he was the one to teach her.



So this week Emi grew up right in front of my eyes. It's one of those happy and sad moments.

setting the record straight

While we were on our trip home we were able to see a lot of our friends. Many of them have just had their first or second baby (I guess we're overachievers) and in talking to these new moms, one thing I heard over and over again was how unprepared that had felt for how difficult the first month with a newborn would be. As I thought about this I realized how many times I have heard this over the last few years from other friends, reality TV shows, etc.

Before I had Emi I read a lot of different magazines and books on "Taking Care of Your New Baby!". Almost every one went on and on about how wonderful and magical those days would be when you brought your new baby home from the hospital. They especially went on about breastfeeding and how it was the most important thing you could do to bond with your baby. Then after I had Emi I have to say that those first few weeks were not exactly how I imagined they would be. Fortunately I was able to get good advice from Maria and my mom which helped things go smoother but I was disappointed with myself that I hadn't done better on my own.

Now that we are on our fourth baby I have realized one truth. Raising a baby takes work. They never really tell you this in baby magazines or TV and as a mom once you get past those first months you totally forget. Raising a baby is either depicted as sunshine and rainbows or hell. Although both of these will seem true at times, the reality is somewhere in the middle. I wish it was spelled out better so that so many of us would not doubt our skills as parents or fear for the future of our child (I've ruined her already!).

So if you're having your first baby anytime soon I will give you some advice I've learned along the way. Before you have your baby take a look around you at other moms. If you see someone who you think is doing a good job and you like the disposition of their baby then go and talk with them and glean some wisdom. Ask about their tricks (everyone has tricks!). Once your baby is born, be prepared to do some work getting your infant to nurse and sleep consistently and don't be disappointed if it's not working. With a baby everyday is a new chance to try again. Last, never go about childraising by yourself. There will always be people around you who will be more than happy to help you out and you should take advantage of their generosity.

I've found with a little patience with myself and my baby that the whole experience can be a lot more fun.

conversations

I haven't written a blog about Sakura yet. It's hard to capture her in words because she's changing so much everyday. But everyday does turn out interesting conversations so I decided to write those and once Sakura grows up a bit more then I'll do a Sakura blog.

Me trying to teach Sakura how to say her age in English.

Me: How old are you?
Sakura: nisai desu. (Japanese for 2 years old)
Me: No, in English, how old are you?
Sakura: ...
Me: You say, two years old.
Sakura: Two years old.
Me: Yeah, How old are you?
Sakura: How old are you?
Me: No, you say, two years old.
Sakura: Oh, OK.
Me: How old are you?
Sakura: How old are you?

This isn't a big deal except that I don't want people to think she doesn't speak English when we go back to Canada/US so I keep trying. Did you know the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? I'm going insane.


Sakura requesting a snack.

Sakura: MOM!
Me: What?
Sakura: chee... (voice trailing off)
Me: What?
Sakura: chee...
Me: Cheese?
Sakura: Yeah, cheese.
Me: How do you ask nicely?
Sakura: May I have some cheese, please?
Me: Sure!
Sakura: And chocolate.


Sakura playing house with Misaki.

Misaki: Mommy (referring to Sakura)
Sakura: ...
Misaki: Mommy
Sakura: ...
Misaki: Mommy
Sakura: JUST A MINUTE!!!

Where does she get this from?


Sakura and I going shopping.

Me: Do you want to go shopping with mommy?
Sakura: Yeah.
Me: OK, let's go.
Sakura: Yeah, walk.
Me: No, we're going in the car.
Sakura: Um, how 'bout bicycle.
Me: No, we're going by car.
Sakura: NO, BICYCLE!
Me: NO, CAR!
Sakura: Oh, OK.

She's 2 so everything is a war of wills.

tricks up my sleeve

I haven't written for a few days because all the interesting things that have been happening to me lately involve Christmas gift shopping for my family and if I write about them then they will know (obviously) what they are getting for Christmas so I've had writer's block of sorts.

But I also have four children and I have to add here that any blogger who has kids is never at a loss for material. Children can produce interesting anecdotes almost on demand and today is no exception. My older three girls go out every Thursday with my husband's parents whom they call ojii-chan (grandpa) and obaa-chan (grandma). I cannot say how much I appreciate that my in-laws faithfully come every week and give me a break but at the same time those precious few hours that I get to spend alone doing what I want come with a price. That price is three girls hepped up on chocolate returned to me right before bedtime. The three of them are so hyper that they are yelling "Thank You" through the closed front door at their ojii-chan and obaa-chan even after they are in their car and have driven away. While I appreciate their politeness I am also sure that it irritates our neighbours who are literally only a stone's throw away.

Then begins my task of getting them ready for bed, calming them down and tucking them into bed. I find that it helps just to keep moving calmly from one task to the next. None of their bad behavior gets a rise out of me because if I decide to stop and dispute a point then all hell breaks lose and their normal rule of only one of them crying at a time is broken and I have chaos on my hands. Tonight we had minor skirmishes about who gets to go potty first, in what order they could play with the toy car (this came up when I wasn't looking), and why they could only kiss Daddy on the cheek (because he's sick).

I realized after they were all ready for bed that they were still at about an 8 on the hyper meter (due to the toy car skirmish) so even though it was way past their bedtime I decided to read a book to them. I did this because if they stop wiggling because they are focusing on the story then their little bodies will realize what time it actually is and switch to go-to-sleep mode. But when they are hyper it is hard to get them to sit still and listen to a story they've already heard so this is where I pull out one of my mommy tricks. At random intervals throughout the story I will divert from what is actually written on the page. I used to think up really interesting new storylines but since my last pregnancy I have lost this ability so now I just say "Michael Buble" whenever I seem to be losing their attention. They think that "Michael Buble" is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Anytime I say it, they all crack up laughing and then quietly listen as I go on with the story so they can catch me when I say it again. Warning: They are extremely disappointed if I read books now and do not say "Michael Buble" so there are drawbacks to this trick.

Anyways, they were down to about a 3 on the hyper meter by the time the story was done so we prayed, kissed and I took them up to bed. Misaki was especially cute when she prayed for Daddy and asked Jesus that "he get good". As I've been writing this both Emi & Misaki came downstairs to go potty again and Sakura got up once to open and close the bedroom door (she's 2 - most of what she does makes no sense).

I'm not really sure if my three hours of "peace" were worth this effort especially since I had to share them today with my sick, bed-ridden husband and my unusually cranky 3-month-old. Maybe next week will be better.