setting the record straight

While we were on our trip home we were able to see a lot of our friends. Many of them have just had their first or second baby (I guess we're overachievers) and in talking to these new moms, one thing I heard over and over again was how unprepared that had felt for how difficult the first month with a newborn would be. As I thought about this I realized how many times I have heard this over the last few years from other friends, reality TV shows, etc.

Before I had Emi I read a lot of different magazines and books on "Taking Care of Your New Baby!". Almost every one went on and on about how wonderful and magical those days would be when you brought your new baby home from the hospital. They especially went on about breastfeeding and how it was the most important thing you could do to bond with your baby. Then after I had Emi I have to say that those first few weeks were not exactly how I imagined they would be. Fortunately I was able to get good advice from Maria and my mom which helped things go smoother but I was disappointed with myself that I hadn't done better on my own.

Now that we are on our fourth baby I have realized one truth. Raising a baby takes work. They never really tell you this in baby magazines or TV and as a mom once you get past those first months you totally forget. Raising a baby is either depicted as sunshine and rainbows or hell. Although both of these will seem true at times, the reality is somewhere in the middle. I wish it was spelled out better so that so many of us would not doubt our skills as parents or fear for the future of our child (I've ruined her already!).

So if you're having your first baby anytime soon I will give you some advice I've learned along the way. Before you have your baby take a look around you at other moms. If you see someone who you think is doing a good job and you like the disposition of their baby then go and talk with them and glean some wisdom. Ask about their tricks (everyone has tricks!). Once your baby is born, be prepared to do some work getting your infant to nurse and sleep consistently and don't be disappointed if it's not working. With a baby everyday is a new chance to try again. Last, never go about childraising by yourself. There will always be people around you who will be more than happy to help you out and you should take advantage of their generosity.

I've found with a little patience with myself and my baby that the whole experience can be a lot more fun.

feeling old

I got an e-mail this week that my 15-year high school reunion is coming up. I didn't realize that it had been that long so it was a bit of a shock. I actually stopped and counted the years just to make sure.

Yep.

15 years.

I won't be able to go to the reunion in July, but I hope that over the next few months I will hear more about my classmates and what they are up to. One of the best of our class, David Andrew, passed away this year which has made me more retrospective. I got out my old yearbooks and read what my friends had written. It made me wonder what I had written in their yearbooks. Probably something embaressing. High school is like that.

I wonder how you are doing, class of '92.

our vacation

Since I've come back from Canada I've been trying to write a post that would include all the wonderful aspects of our trip. Needless to say this has been a lesson in futility. There are many unfinished drafts wherein I tried to include all the cute things the girls said or all the illnesses we had between the six of us or my feelings about seeing my family and being home for Christmas and it is just not possible to include all of this in a post. So here are some highlights...

Being Sick:
All six of us had a variety of illnesses during the 3-1/2 weeks that we were home. I have not been sick for at least three years (unless you count the fun symptoms related to pregnancy) and I got my first full-blown cold with glands so swollen that I could hardly swallow (although I ate the turkey anyways) at which point the organization of my family totally broke down. I was so out of it I couldn't remember if the kids had eaten. Thank God my mom was paying attention. Sakura even had roseola (we looked it up on the internet) which she graciously passed on to two of her cousins (Sorry Ariana and Felicity!).

International Flight With Four Children:
Busy. The flight to Canada went very well because we flew at night and for the most part the kids slept, ate or watched movies. Natsuki was the easiest. She was totally entertained by all the people on the flight and she smiled for anyone who would take a moment to say hello. The flight back to Japan was another story. This flight was during the day and two hours longer. We were so glad to get home and go to bed.

10 Kids In One House For Five Days:
Good! I was pleasantly surprised to discover that this was less of a problem than I anticipated. The four older children (Jairon, Emi, Ethan & Misaki) played very well together (Emi even learned how to play video games!), Ariana was sick most of the time and Natsuki & Xander were asleep most of the time. The only real drama was between Sakura, Kiara & Felicity but even that was easily resolved and forgotten. Plus I know the kids made some great memories together which was really the point of all this.

SHOPPING!!!:
Too much fun! As always, I wished that I had more time and money but we maxed out our suitcase space so it worked out just fine. I love shopping in Portland. I really miss Target and Old Navy.

Friends:
I was wonderful to see old friends whom we haven't see in awhile. Many of their families have grown (like us) so it was fun to parade our kids around and take pictures. Special thanks to Luke & Angela for letting us stay with them. As always, your hospitality really blessed us. And thanks to those of you who had us over for dinner and fellowship.

Family:
This is the hardest of all to write. Spending time with my family is always the greatest joy I have when I go home and it is also the greatest sadness when I leave. Japan has become our home but it would be made perfect if my family was here with me. I enjoyed being able to sit in your homes and talk about everything and nothing, watch our kids run around and do silly things, play games, eat and in general be a big family once again. Thank you mom & dad for hosting all of us. Thank you Jon & Maria for being so flexible and taking good care of us in Portland. And Hannah, I'm so glad we could come and visit your cute home on the coast. Thanks for taking care of details that made our Christmas so wonderful. Joel (the Magnificent), thank you for entertaining the children.

I have to say that having four children really changes how much we are able to do on our vacations but they are made more special when seen through your child's eyes.

going home for Christmas

I have been listening to Christmas music for the last month and I am so excited about going home that I have to keep myself from bursting into happy tears all the time. I'm not usually an emotional person but I'll be folding laundry or washing the dishes and a song will come on and I'll have to start deep-breathing to keep the tears back. I really don't want to freak out my kids. I can just imagine them all grown up and recounting how hard it must have been for mom to take care of us all or something like that.

Anyways, one song imparticular always gets to me. It's "Going Home For Christmas" from Steven Curtis Chapman's Christmas CD. Sometimes there'll be a lot going on and I won't really hear it when it comes on (safe!) and sometimes at that exact moment it'll be quiet and I'll resort to above-mentioned breathing techniques. This happened the other day and I decided that I would just listen intently and let my emotions well up and have a good cry. I thought I might feel better and be able to prevent future breakdowns. As I listened to the words of the songs I realized (and those of you who have this CD may already know this) that the song is really about the matriarch of the family who passes away and she's going home (read heaven) for Christmas. I was shocked and I felt a little betrayed that the song that gets my throat all knotted up is not really about returning to my family home for Christmas but about my grandma dying. It's actually sadder than I thought. I couldn't cry after that, it was just too much.

Needless to say I've taken that CD out of the CD player.

conversations

I haven't written a blog about Sakura yet. It's hard to capture her in words because she's changing so much everyday. But everyday does turn out interesting conversations so I decided to write those and once Sakura grows up a bit more then I'll do a Sakura blog.

Me trying to teach Sakura how to say her age in English.

Me: How old are you?
Sakura: nisai desu. (Japanese for 2 years old)
Me: No, in English, how old are you?
Sakura: ...
Me: You say, two years old.
Sakura: Two years old.
Me: Yeah, How old are you?
Sakura: How old are you?
Me: No, you say, two years old.
Sakura: Oh, OK.
Me: How old are you?
Sakura: How old are you?

This isn't a big deal except that I don't want people to think she doesn't speak English when we go back to Canada/US so I keep trying. Did you know the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? I'm going insane.


Sakura requesting a snack.

Sakura: MOM!
Me: What?
Sakura: chee... (voice trailing off)
Me: What?
Sakura: chee...
Me: Cheese?
Sakura: Yeah, cheese.
Me: How do you ask nicely?
Sakura: May I have some cheese, please?
Me: Sure!
Sakura: And chocolate.


Sakura playing house with Misaki.

Misaki: Mommy (referring to Sakura)
Sakura: ...
Misaki: Mommy
Sakura: ...
Misaki: Mommy
Sakura: JUST A MINUTE!!!

Where does she get this from?


Sakura and I going shopping.

Me: Do you want to go shopping with mommy?
Sakura: Yeah.
Me: OK, let's go.
Sakura: Yeah, walk.
Me: No, we're going in the car.
Sakura: Um, how 'bout bicycle.
Me: No, we're going by car.
Sakura: NO, BICYCLE!
Me: NO, CAR!
Sakura: Oh, OK.

She's 2 so everything is a war of wills.

tricks up my sleeve

I haven't written for a few days because all the interesting things that have been happening to me lately involve Christmas gift shopping for my family and if I write about them then they will know (obviously) what they are getting for Christmas so I've had writer's block of sorts.

But I also have four children and I have to add here that any blogger who has kids is never at a loss for material. Children can produce interesting anecdotes almost on demand and today is no exception. My older three girls go out every Thursday with my husband's parents whom they call ojii-chan (grandpa) and obaa-chan (grandma). I cannot say how much I appreciate that my in-laws faithfully come every week and give me a break but at the same time those precious few hours that I get to spend alone doing what I want come with a price. That price is three girls hepped up on chocolate returned to me right before bedtime. The three of them are so hyper that they are yelling "Thank You" through the closed front door at their ojii-chan and obaa-chan even after they are in their car and have driven away. While I appreciate their politeness I am also sure that it irritates our neighbours who are literally only a stone's throw away.

Then begins my task of getting them ready for bed, calming them down and tucking them into bed. I find that it helps just to keep moving calmly from one task to the next. None of their bad behavior gets a rise out of me because if I decide to stop and dispute a point then all hell breaks lose and their normal rule of only one of them crying at a time is broken and I have chaos on my hands. Tonight we had minor skirmishes about who gets to go potty first, in what order they could play with the toy car (this came up when I wasn't looking), and why they could only kiss Daddy on the cheek (because he's sick).

I realized after they were all ready for bed that they were still at about an 8 on the hyper meter (due to the toy car skirmish) so even though it was way past their bedtime I decided to read a book to them. I did this because if they stop wiggling because they are focusing on the story then their little bodies will realize what time it actually is and switch to go-to-sleep mode. But when they are hyper it is hard to get them to sit still and listen to a story they've already heard so this is where I pull out one of my mommy tricks. At random intervals throughout the story I will divert from what is actually written on the page. I used to think up really interesting new storylines but since my last pregnancy I have lost this ability so now I just say "Michael Buble" whenever I seem to be losing their attention. They think that "Michael Buble" is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Anytime I say it, they all crack up laughing and then quietly listen as I go on with the story so they can catch me when I say it again. Warning: They are extremely disappointed if I read books now and do not say "Michael Buble" so there are drawbacks to this trick.

Anyways, they were down to about a 3 on the hyper meter by the time the story was done so we prayed, kissed and I took them up to bed. Misaki was especially cute when she prayed for Daddy and asked Jesus that "he get good". As I've been writing this both Emi & Misaki came downstairs to go potty again and Sakura got up once to open and close the bedroom door (she's 2 - most of what she does makes no sense).

I'm not really sure if my three hours of "peace" were worth this effort especially since I had to share them today with my sick, bed-ridden husband and my unusually cranky 3-month-old. Maybe next week will be better.

kisses

Our normal bedtime routine is to have the girls change into their pajamas, Emi & Misaki will go potty while one of us changes Sakura's diaper, we brush their teeth, pray, everyone kisses everyone and then the three of them go up to their beds and go to sleep (usually!). If it's not too late we'll read a book together in the middle somewhere.

Although this routine is usually uneventful, lately the kissing section has taken on such a life of it's own that Chikara and I are never sure if we'll actually make it through. Why? Well, Emi kisses all of us in a certain order (anyone surprised?). She has kissed all of us in this order for at least a year - Misaki, Daddy, Mommy, Sakura and now Natsuki. The problem arises for her when Misaki decides that she doesn't want to kiss Emi (sometimes there is a reason and sometimes she's just being a typical little sister). This throws off Emi's order and she won't kiss the rest of us until Misaki capitulates. Misaki doesn't have an order, she kisses us as she feels like it. Lately Sakura has realized that there is a drama going on and she doesn't want to miss out on the excitement so she'll lay passively on the couch or refuse to turn her face towards her sisters or something along these lines which irritates both of her older sisters much to her delight.

Yesterday as we got to the kissing part of our routine, amazingly Emi and Misaki managed to keep the drama to a minimum but Sakura would not go so easily "into that dark night" so she sat in the corner of the couch and made each of us come and kiss her in turn. Finally it was Chikara's turn but he was holding Natsuki so he couldn't bend down which meant that Sakura would have to stand up to kiss him. She tried at least three time to strain her head up as high as she could with her little lips pursed for a kiss but when she realized it was futile she let out a sigh, rolled her eyes and said "Gosh!". Then she stood up and kissed Chikara, bounced off the couch and walked up the stairs as if nothing had happened.

One day this melodrama will end so I'm writing it down so that we will remember these sweet moments!

strong mommy

I find that usually I use my blog to vent about things that bother me so I thought today for a change I would write about a good experience I had with Emi. It'll probably end up sounding like bragging but when you work really hard at being the best mom you can be and your kid notices it and tell you about it then I think it's worth writing about.

A couple of weeks ago when Emi came home from school one day we were talking about how her day went when she suddenly asked me why the other kid's moms were not "strong". At first I was puzzled because I wasn't sure what she was referring to. Just before that we had attended a sports day for the girl's preschool and the parents had participated in some events so I thought that maybe she was talking about moms who had weak muscles or something. When I ask if this was what she meant she rolled her eyes at me and said, "No, mom, I mean how come some other moms don't say no to their kids. How come they're not strong?". OK, these are deep thoughts so I'd better pay attention. I asked her if she thought I was strong and she emphatically said yes. Then I asked her if she thought that it was a good thing that I was "strong" and she said yes again. I was so happy. Sometimes I feel like I'm really strict with the girls trying to teach them all that they need to know to survive in this world. In general I have a tendancy to overthink things and especially with Emi I wonder if I'm squashing her inner person. This is something I won't really know until she's grown up and then the "damage" will be done. Usually I don't let these thoughts control how I parent but occasionally they well up and overwhelm me and I just pray that I'm doing the right thing.

But Emi, who watches and remembers everything, appreciates the fact that I'm "strong" and do my best to guide her and her sisters in "the way they should go". I can only hope that when they are old they "will not depart from it". This is really my prayer as a mom. (Proverbs 22:6)

So I write this to encourage all the moms out there. Your efforts are not in vain and whenever you feel like giving in to your kids on main life issues, don't! They may not appreciate it at the moment but in their hearts they are hoping that we stand up, take leadership and do it with love.

shopping

I wrote a really cool blog here about my shopping woes and somehow when I went to check the spelling on one of the words today I accidentally ERASED THE WHOLE THING! I am really sad. My mom read it so you can ask her what it said . . . I'm sad.

you're not hungry, you're tired

I read an article today wherein fathers were encouraged to repeat "annoying" catchphrases when teaching their children life lessons. The article said that your children will be irritated by them now but the cliched-sayings will stick with them into adulthood and they will remember the wisdom you were trying to impart. My parents did this with gusto during our childhood and it is a little scary to me now that I can hear my mom's voice in my head saying these phrases in unison with me as I repeat them to my children.

My favorite phrase (and the one I use all the time much to the frustration of my girls) is "You're not hungry, you're tired". As children if we asked for something to eat before bedtime (or after bedtime) then my mom would say this to us with a sweet smile and that would be the end of the conversation. The reason I'm sharing this is because after Natsuki was born and I was nursing her around the clock, I also ate around the clock. Usually I wasn't so hungry in the morning but as the day wore on (and I was actually awake) my appetite would return so that by the late evening I was still hungry no matter how much I'd eaten throughout the day. This was fine since Natsuki was waking up twice at night and I needed to be able to produce milk for her. But it just occured to me last night that she's sleeping through the night but my late night cravings have not decreased. The other night I ate a whole bag of microwave popcorn - by myself - at 11pm and then went to bed. This is not going to help me with getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight which will hinder all my shopping plans when I go home!

So last night, when the hunger pains began, I repeated to myself "you're not hungry, you're tired, you're not hungry, you're tired" until they passed and then I went to bed. The irritating catchphrases worked! My mother would be so proud of me!